Amber's Testimony

Hi, I’m Amber. I model veils for Lily’s site, and I wanted to share why I chose to start veiling.

I first got to know Lily on a deeper level at the Women’s ACTS retreat in October of ‘22. We had conversations about veiling, and I read some literature on her website.

I had actually bought a veil a few years earlier when God put this desire on my heart. I was reflecting on why my Blessed Mother wears a veil and why the Ark of the Covenant was kept inside the tabernacle behind a veil.

My daughter had also asked me about this age-old tradition. Still, I left that veil to sit on a shelf in my closet. I was too worried about what other people at Mass would think of me. Would I be putting off the vibe that I’m holier-than-thou? Would I be drawing attention to myself?

I wasn’t worried enough about what God thought.

Not long after the retreat, Lily asked me if I would model veils for her site. I agreed, but negative thoughts crept in.

I’m not holy enough. I’m not a good enough Catholic. I’m not worthy enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not thin enough. I don’t even have white enough teeth!

Basically, I told myself, I’m not enough.

I’ve struggled with this inner demon most of my life. I grew up in a family where outward beauty was highly valued. Modesty wasn’t really discussed.

As a dancer up until my late teens, I became very aware of my outer body and any perceived imperfections. At 12, I developed an eating disorder that I battled for about 3 years.

I thought that if I could just lose more weight, people would love me more.

On top of that, I was born with a genetic connective tissue disorder called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and struggled with endometriosis from a young age. These conditions fueled my love/hate relationship with my body.

It was God alone who pulled me out of this disordered way of thinking.

Eventually, as I had my own babies, I grew to love and accept my body for all it could do. I marveled at the gift God gives women—the ability to hold and grow another life inside us and bring that child into the world!

Still, I sometimes struggle with moments of self-hatred. It’s a cross I must bear in this life.

I remember the first time Lily took pictures of me. I told her, “I don’t really think I’m pretty enough to do this.”

She said she chose me not just for what’s on the outside but for what’s on the inside—my faith in God shining outward.

That was the greatest compliment someone could give me.

Now, when I put on a veil, it reminds me that God loves me for my heart. He cherishes me like His bride, and I am His treasure.

You don’t put your treasure out there for anyone to take or on open display. You keep it hidden away and protected.

Modesty isn’t about being oppressed or subjugated by men. It’s about realizing that we are so much more than our outward beauty. Our body is a temple of the Lord, and we are His lights, leading people to Him like candles shining in the dark.

I’m not made worthy by any merit of my own. But through His gift of grace and self-sacrificing love, I AM WORTHY OF HIS LOVE.

Despite my flaws and sins, I AM ENOUGH because I am His precious, beloved daughter, made in His image.

He’ll never stop pursuing me or fighting for my love.

By wearing a veil, I’m showing Him that I love Him in return. I’m grateful for His gift, reverent toward His holiness, and I obediently trust in His will for my life.

It’s also a way for me to show my daughters just how much they are loved. I hope to be a witness to other women struggling with feelings of not being enough—that God loves them unconditionally.